you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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