Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Congratulations! We have a period
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