I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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