so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
