Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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