Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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