i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize