After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
