Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
