I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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