I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
