The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
