Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize