I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
