That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
