no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
