That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
