why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
