I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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