You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize