the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
