i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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