kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
