I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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