Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
