absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
