I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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