she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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