what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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