My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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