I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
