oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
