I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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