He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
