you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
