please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
