My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
