my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
