We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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