I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
