I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
