I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
