Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
