ya dads aren't the best wingmen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
