He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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