fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
