Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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