VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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