Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
