Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sober January is a disaster.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
