i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
