you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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