I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
