hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
