I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
