remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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