i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
