I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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