Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
