her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
