You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
