just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
