I'm jealous of your bromance
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
