Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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