I have demons in me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
