I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
