i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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