The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
