Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
