Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
