the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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