Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
